Owl Poop
by Notsochic14
Summary: Blaine can't quite remember the last time a Sunday morning went this bad. Kurt can't quite remember the last time he's laughed so hard. And Brittany...well, she's just left wondering why Kurt's in Hogwarts with Dumbledore as his gay mentor.


A/N: *Loud, overdramatic _sigh_* I've been trying to work on my other story, I really have! (Let's ignore the fact that I'm only almost half-way done with almost all of it) Well, I found this gathering dust at the back of my documents folder, and I had posted it previously on the fluff meme, like, _ages _ago, so I figured, why not?

It's a pretty silly, nonsensical kind of thing so don't take it too seriously. FYI, takes place pretty much right after Kurt moves over to Dalton, so in between Furt and Special Education. (Like I said, ages).

(Oh yeah! And Harry Potter spoilers up ahead!)

Disclaimer: If I said I owned Glee, Ryan Murphy would _know_. The man is scary; don't mess with him.

* * *

"B-Blaine…" Kurt looks so beautiful right now, as he nervously chews on his lower lip. He makes himself so small even though he's taller than him. His eyes water as he looks at Blaine. "I'm…in love with you."

"Kurt—"

"But you don't feel the same way, do you?" Kurt suddenly says, cutting him off. "It's alright, I-I understand. You could never like a nobody like me—"

He pulls Kurt into a tight embrace. "You're wrong. You're the strongest, most courageous, most perfect, person I've ever met."

Blaine pulls back so the he's now looking right into Kurt's eyes. "And every person who doesn't fall in love with you is missing out."

Kurt looks at him in disbelief before breaking out into one of those special smiles Blaine's sure that he reserves only for him. He's leaning in now, about to press his lips against his—

_"You make me, feel like I'm living a Teenage Dream, the way you turn me on—"_

"AH!" Blaine shot up from his bed, rudely interrupted from his obscenely cliché but totally romantic dream by his stupid Blackberry. Unfortunately, he had apparently slept right on the edge of the bed last night and his startled jump led to him rolling right off it, banging his head against the bedside table as he did so. Lying amidst his fallen pillows and the comforter he had pulled down with him, Blaine tiredly groped around for his phone, which was still playing his now least favorite song in the world.

"What?" he almost growled immediately after pulling it down. Who the hell calls someone at—Blaine realized it was nearly eleven-thirty in the morning after a quick glance at the wall clock in his dorm. Oh.

_"Blaine?"_ a familiar, concerned voice said on the other line. He winced as he realized the unfriendly tone he had used with the person he had just confessed his love to (in a ridiculously corny dream, but hey, it still counts).

"Kurt, sorry, I slept in a little later than usual, so…" Blaine quickly explained, bringing a hand up to rub his still-stinging forehead. Damn, was that a scar he felt?

_"No, no! I should be apologizing. You should be sleeping in on a Sunday, but...I kind of need a favor." _

"Sure, anything!" Did that sound too eager? It sounded too eager.

_"Great! See, I'm on my way back from Lima with some more…'essentials'-"_

"More clothes?" Blaine said in disbelief. "You already have enough to host a school fashion show."

_"Please, as if any of them could pull off Laneri kilts like I can."_ Kurt quipped, and Blaine could practically see him rolling his eyes. _"Anyways, think you can help me out with them?"_

"Yeah, I'll be out in the parking lot," Blaine promised as he attempted to throw his heavy comforter back onto his bed, kicking up the long-forgotten dust bunnies beneath it. Most of which hitting Blaine full-on in the face.

He sniffed and felt his eyes start to water before letting out a particularly violent sounding sneeze.

_"Are you all right?"_ Kurt asked, his voice suddenly concerned.

"I-it's nothing," Blaine said. "Just some allergies."

_"Okay,"_ He still sounded a little concerned, which made Blaine smile warmly. _"Oh, and by the way—"_

Blaine blinked in confusion when Kurt's voice suddenly cut out before realizing his phone had now died. Great.

He rolled his eyes and got up, trying to ignore both his throbbing forehead and his watery eyes. He had to start getting ready before Kurt got back. Setting his phone onto his evil nightstand, he made his way into the bathroom.

Blaine narrowed his eyes a bit as he quickly brushed his teeth. They were still watery and because he had bad eyesight on a regular day, everything around him now looked like a blob. He was lucky that he knew the exact layout of his and his dorm mate's (who wasn't going to be back until later that night) bathroom, otherwise he would've probably tripped over an empty shampoo bottle by now.

Rinsing and spitting, Blaine rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand once more in vain. If they were this watery, his contacts were going to burn like hell once he put them in. He sighed and opened one of the middle drawers.

Pushing an unopened box of Q-tips out of the way, he pulled out a pair of glasses with small, circular frames. Pushing them onto the bridge of his nose, he looked at his reflection in the mirror and shook his head. He hated the glasses; they slipped off too much and snapped like a twig if he so much as put them on wrong.

'No use whining about it,' he thought as he instinctively grasped a nearby tube of hair gel. 'I think I can pull off the intelligent look. Who knows? Maybe glasses are Kurt's thing.'

He smiled at the thought and intended to squeeze out a glob of gel into his hand. The tube only let out an airy sigh. 'You have got to be kidding.'

Blaine ran his fingers through his hair (getting them slightly tangled into his curls) as he stared at the empty tube in disbelief. Setting it back down, he could only shake his head as he strode back into his dorm room, his mood decidedly even darker than it was when he had gotten (fallen) out of bed that morning.

"No matter," he said as he sighed into the empty room. "I can, at the very least, dress myself properly. Unless a random cat got into the closet and tore up my clothes while I was asleep."

He opened up the closet, actually half-expecting a cat to jump out at his face. He seemed to have caught a break this time, since the only thing in his closet was a few Dalton uniforms, some jeans, and a fair number of college football sweatshirts. He quickly chose the Dalton uniform. Kurt would probably spit on him if he wore any of the other items.

Blaine was still slightly surprised at how he hadn't asked any questions when Blaine had worn the uniform the last couple of times they went out to Breadstix.

Dressing himself quickly, he simply straightened up his blazer and smoothed out his pants. Now all he needed was his—Damn.

He chided himself as he remembered that he had left his tie back in Wes's room the day before while studying up on some things.

Shaking his head at how much of an idiot he was he realized that he had yet to gone back to charging his phone when it had died. Plugging it in, he waited a few seconds before seeing that he had gotten a voicemail from Kurt. He put the phone on speaker and turned to dig around for his spare tie.

_"I guess we got cut off."_ he heard Kurt's voice behind him say, confusion evident in his tone. _"Anyways, I was going to tell you that I brought a friend with me—"_

_"Hi Kurt's dolphin friend!"_ he heard a cheery, but kind of out-of-it voice cut off Kurt. Blaine turned back to look at the phone, puzzled.

_"—and I think we'll be there in about twenty minutes,"_ Kurt continued without missing a beat. _"See you soon!"_

Blaine froze. He slowly looked up at the wall clock, and realized that the message was left almost fifteen minutes ago. "Oh crap!"

Throwing open a random drawer and grabbing the first tie he saw, he bolted out of the door, trying to both tie his tie and not run into other Dalton boys at the same time.

"'Scuse me," Blaine said, narrowly dodging a freshman as he dashed through the halls. He continuously fiddled with the tie, realizing too late that it was the completely wrong color altogether. He was almost sure he didn't own a red and gold tie so it was probably his dorm mate's. Blaine shook his head as he walked. "A red and gold tie…how tacky can you get?"

Hurrying down the steps, straightening up his uniform a bit as he did so, Blaine noticed the odd looks he was getting from other students. He couldn't blame them; he must've looked like an absolute wreck. Flicking his hair out of his eyes he strode straight for the exit to the parking lot, ignoring a nearby teacher doing a double-take as he passed.

Blaine anxiously rubbed his forehead, feeling a slight sting as he did so, as he quickly surveyed the parking lot. It didn't take long before he spotted the familiar Navigator with its trunk open and a blonde girl in a cheerleader uniform rummaging around inside.

'Guess that must be Kurt's friend,' Blaine thought as he made his way towards the vehicle. He spotted Kurt in the driver's seat with the door open, his body turned as he tried to reach for something in the seats behind. Blaine adjusted his glasses.

'Alright, just act like you meant to look like this today. Act like you meant to look like a total idiot.'

"Kurt, hey!" he called as he jogged over to the opened door; Kurt's back was still turned to him. "Sorry, I got held up in the hallway."

Kurt let out a breathless laugh as he began to pull back with a box in his hands. "About time, just help me and Britt—"

He stopped mid-sentence when he turned fully. His (still beautiful) eyes widened, and he literally looked like he was at a loss for words.

'Stupid, stupid!' Blaine thought as his mind started going a mile a minute, his face still somehow keeping a calmer, controlled look. 'You could've spent more time looking for the right tie! You could've borrowed some gel from David! You could have done _anything_ but look like a complete _dumbass_ in front of the guy that you're totally in lo—! '

"Blaine, why are you…?" Kurt started hesitantly, though not in a scathing or condescending tone, as Blaine had expected. In fact, he sounded confused, and maybe even a little impressed.

"Kurt, I am so sorry," Blaine suddenly said. His calm look shattered and quickly replaced by puppy dog eyes. "When you called, I accidentally knocked my head onto my nightstand, and then a bunch dust bunnies leaped up to attack my face, and that's why I—"

He was suddenly interrupted by his crazy and confusing rant by an awed, "Oh, wow."

Blaine and Kurt turned their heads towards a tall, pretty, blonde girl with a box full of cardigans in her hands. She was staring at Blaine with a bewildered, star struck expression and glided straight towards him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she set the box down. Blaine looked at her in confusion. She continued, "You should be repairing Hogwarts right now, with Ron and Herman."

Kurt watched the exchange in confusion as well, before realization spread across his face. Blaine took a quick glance at Kurt to see that he had covered his mouth with his hand and was now leaning over the steering wheel. Looking back, he said carefully, "I-I'm sorry?"

"You don't have an accent," she said, suddenly looking very disappointed. She quickly shook her head and smiled at Blaine, "But that's alright, you're still really hot. You really should be fixing Hogwarts right now, though."

Blaine tossed another glance towards Kurt, who had opened the box and was digging around for something. He pulled out a large hand mirror and wordlessly handed it towards Blaine. He looked at Kurt who looked like he was trying to…hold in giggles?

Looking into the mirror, Blaine's eyes widened as he stared at his reflection. The glasses' frames seemed to bring out the green in his eyes, and his dark unruly hair stuck out considerably. Blaine quickly pushed some of it up so he could look at his forehead. Apparently the throbbing he felt _had_ been a scar, as he thought. He hadn't thought that it was also the exact shape of a lightning bolt.

"Holy crap," he said dumbly, staring at his reflection. "I'm Harry freakin' Potter."

Kurt completely lost it then. He let out an undignified snort before removing his hand from his mouth to hold his stomach, letting out loud peals of laughter. Blaine turned his head to glare at him before he felt Brittany take the hand that was holding the mirror and stroke it gently.

"I am so sorry," she said, looking into his eyes. "First, about your parents, and then Sirius, and then the entire Order, and Dumbledore, and Dobby—"

"B-Brittany, Brittany," Kurt said, still smiling but his laughter now controlled. He set the box he was holding onto the floor of the car and quickly stepped out so that he was between Blaine and Brittany. "This is Blaine; I told you about him remember? And we've been through this before. I don't go to Hogwarts."

Brittany didn't seem to register this, so Blaine decided to cut in, "And besides, Hogwarts doesn't even—"

Before he could finish Kurt started coughing loudly. He also looked at Blaine while he gestured with a cutting motion across his neck. Blaine's mouth opened slightly in understanding, and he slowly looked back towards Brittany, whose expression hadn't changed during the exchange.

"H-Hogwarts…isn't even in Ohio," he said, thinking quickly. "Uh, it's in England, right? You know that, don't you Brittany?"

"Maps are confusing. I failed Geometry," she replied, nodding her head as if it explained everything. Blaine blinked in disbelief while Kurt let his forehead fall into the palm of his hand and he let out a quiet giggle. Brittany looked between the two of them for a moment before turning to Kurt and asking, "So was Dumbledore, like, your gay mentor?"

He only shook his head and turned to grab the forgotten box from the car. He walked past Blaine, grabbing the hand mirror from him as he did so and called over his shoulder, "Come on Brit. Let's head up to my room. You too, Harry, grab a box."

'He's enjoying this, the little—' Blaine thought bitterly as he turned to snatch one of the nearby boxes in the backseat. When he saw Kurt looking back at him with a too-adorable smile, he completely lost his train of thought and immediately jogged up to walk beside him as they headed towards the entrance to the school.

As the three walked through the school, Brittany lagged some ways behind them, admiring the Dalton Academy interior. She didn't even notice the looks she was getting from the girl-deprived Dalton students that passed by her.

"I always thought there would be more owl poop on the floor," Blaine heard her say behind him, and he sighed as he turned to look at Kurt.

"So she really thinks…?" he began as they started up the stairs. Kurt didn't even turn his head to look at him as he replied with a clipped, "Yeah."

He then smirked and asked, "So what's it like being so idolized, Mr. Potter?"

Blaine shook his head, "She's got to realize at some point that this isn't Hogwarts."

"No, she will not," Kurt replied matter-of-factly. "I heard that New Directions was freaking out trying to make her still believe Santa existed before winter break."

As the two of them emerged at the top of the steps, Kurt looked towards Blaine and asked, "Well, what did you expect, when you're dressed like that? I never took you to be a Harry Potter nerd, Blaine."

"I-I'm not!" Blaine said quickly, his face getting hot. "I mean, I am, I love the series and all, but...I'm not!"

The two stopped when they reached the front of Kurt's dorm room. Brittany, meanwhile, had stopped a small underclassman at the end of the hallway and was trying to strike up a conversation with him ("I passed by the Great Hall. What happened to all of the dead bodies?").

Turning on his heel so that he was facing Blaine, Kurt looked down at the ground sheepishly before looking at Blaine. "You know, you actually make curls look good. And I think your brain could use a break from that oily mess you usually use."

Blaine smiled and countered with a cocky accent, "Yes, well, that oily mess helps me keep up my dapper status. Imagine if I were to go out in public with such a scandalous crow's nest on my head? Why, the post would be all over that, my good man!"

He and Kurt laughed good-naturedly and both looked down at the floor awkwardly as it died down.

"I don't care for the glasses, though," Kurt said quietly. Blaine looked up but Kurt's eyes still seemed glued to the floor. "I think they hide your eyes too much."

Blaine's heart fluttered after he said that and he noted the pink flush on Kurt's face. He wanted to say something equally charming, something to make Kurt fall for him and make those cliché dreams Blaine had every night since he met Kurt a reality.

"What did you just say?"

Blaine hated himself now. He really did.

"I mean!" Kurt said too quickly, straightening up. "Those frames don't do anything for your face structure at all! A-and they seem a little _too_ retro, don't you think, Blaine?"

"I…" Part of him wanted to call Kurt out on what he said, but another part just wanted the awkwardness to end. That part won.

Blaine smiled at Kurt and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Kurt nodded and turned to open the door to his room while looked down the hallway, hoping and wishing for something to break the tension that was in the air. As he did so, Blaine caught site of Brittany, having finished her conversation and having somehow acquired a—

Blaine dropped the box in horror. Kurt turned. "Blaine, what—"

He dropped both his key and the box when he saw what Blaine saw. Kurt and Blaine looked at each other for a split-second with wide eyes before taking off down the hallway.

"Brittany, get off the broom!"

"Don't let her near any of the windows!"

* * *

A/N: I always get a kick out of thinking the Brittany would read the books and her brain would just soak up every word like a sponge. The original prompt had been,

_Blaine's having a bad day. :( He fell out of bed that morning and scratched his forehead on the bedside table. His allergies are acting up so he can't wear his contacts, forcing him to wear his overly dorky glasses. His hair gel's gone missing and so has his tie so he's wearing his stripy red/gold one and his hair's looks like a woolly mammoth. It's all very tragic._

_Did I mention his last name just happens to be Potter? And oh, look! Kurt has a visitor. Why, it's Brittney! Oh, god. Why didn't he just sleep in?_

_In a less roundabout way, Brit's convinced that Blaine's Harry freakin' Potter, Dalton's secretly Hogwarts and Kurt's the luckily dolphin in the world. And Kurt's just a little too busy laughing at it all to help._

Wasn't able to throw in the last name bit, but I thought I did okay, since this was the technically the first Glee item I'd ever written. I feel so ashamed no AVPM references were made in this *shakes head*. _  
_


End file.
